Unlove Him


 Happy would be an understatement to describe the feeling when he asked me those five beautiful words, “WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?”  A wonderful silence bit my tongue and just left me nodding for the answer.

I called him Hubby, he called me Wifey, it didn’t last long though because as the months passed, almost every sweet word became our term of endearment.

We ate and gained weight together. We laughed at each others corny jokes. Made farting a game. Carved our names on a tree. Traveled places we’ve never been. Doodle’d on one of the art pieces in a museum.Traded wearing shoes. Slept next to each other. Loved each other more after every quarrel. People envied us. We were close to perfect.

We continued living our dreams except that I was not part of his anymore.

Then again there was silence, not the same kind as before but the absence of words that used to make my day.

                                                                                               What happened?

CHANGE only took a day to extinguish the affection he once had for me, me alone but just like that everything was over. The  pain won’t leave me alone, the food tastes bitter and it even hurt more every time I wake up from a dream about our love story.

                                                                                    What I did to move on?

* I cried LOUD, VERY LOUD night and day. I didn’t mind what the neighbors would think and say, let alone the rumors they spread about me being suicidal. All I wanted was to let all the pain out of my chest even if it had to make my lungs feel like not itself.

* I ATE TONS of food.  I ate not because it tasted good or it was our favorite food. I ate because I wanted to keep myself pre-occupied.

* I SANG to my hearts content and for this I considered the karaoke machine the greatest invention eveeeeer, I mean where else do broken hearted people go? right? right?

* I went to all the places we’ve been wearing the dress he gave me. I cherished our memories again and again till it made my brain numb .

*I wore HIS SHIRT at home and  tried to feel his warmth that i missed. It was probably the warmth I’m never going to feel again.

* I DRANK. Not beer nor anything with alcohol content, I ‘m not allowed to drink those because of my ulcer. I drank MILK liters and liters of it until I threw up being full of it.

* I BURNT all the PICTURES. After winning the battle against my finger, I finally found the courage to delete every picture of us. Trust me it wasn’t easy and doing this was one of the hardest thing to do .

* I watched DRAMA SERIES. At first it gave me an idea about getting back at him by getting rich and hiring a super cool boyfriend to flaunt. I even imagined his jaws dropping after seeing me perfectly happy without him , but I realized that it wasn’t such a good idea and revenge will surely make it worse.

* I tried HATING HIM by convincing  myself that it’s his fault why I was so miserable

                                                                               Was I able to unlove him?

Even when I started to smile again, feeling okay and live as if nothing bad happened, unloving him was something my heart cannot do. Yes I cried and looked like a drugged up panda but the fact that I love him with all my heart was more than enough, all else didn’t matter and because I love him I chose to forgive, move on and give him happiness through his freedom… even if it was the freedom from me.

One comment

  1. Love the closing. Should be taught to boys in high school to ward off future stalking and abuse.

    An aside: On my me-phone, the text color fades against the background, making it challenging to read your post via phone. The “Dumper’s Defense” post did not have this issue.

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